Estrogen To Blame For My Fat Ass, Not Laksa, Says Auntie

Serene Tan, a 43-year-old mother of three, has officially stopped blaming her nightly three-egg prata habit for her expanding waistline, citing a “systemic failure” of her estrogen.

The breakthrough came after Serene downloaded a predatory health app that translates photos of greasy laksa into a “biological cry for help” rather than a massive coronary risk.

“My doctor said I’m pre-diabetic, but the app says my cortisol is just running a program for a different century,” Serene remarked while inhaling a Mao Shan Wang durian alone in her kitchen.

According to the app’s logic, the third bowl of dessert is simply a “hormonal feedback loop” that can only be solved by more self-compassion and perhaps a larger size of Uniqlo leggings.

Serene now feels empowered to continue her 9pm “cravings rescue” sessions with a tub of ice cream, confident that her willpower is perfect, but her ovaries are simply cibai.