Dying Now More Cost-Effective Than Living In Singapore

The Department of Statistics has confirmed that existing within Singapore has officially transitioned into a luxury lifestyle choice.

With health insurance premiums skyrocketing by 14.8%, the Ministry of Health suggests simply refusing to develop any chronic medical conditions until the economy improves.

"Wah lao, now even to sneeze also must check bank account first," complained local resident Lim Kopi, while eating a single mandarin orange he bought on a three-year instalment plan.

Authorities noted that while food and accommodation costs have surged, the act of crying silently in public remains 100% free for now.

"If you cannot afford insurance, then don't get sick lor, use your brain lah," remarked one official while entering a $4,000-a-month serviced apartment.

Citizens are encouraged to practice photosynthesising to combat rising grocery prices.