DHL Successfully Delivers Layoffs To Staff Without Tracking Number

DHL Global Forwarding has finally achieved peak efficiency by successfully delivering pink slips to its own staff before they could even finish their morning kopi.

The company and its union have entered a secret marriage of silence, refusing to disclose exactly how many people got the boot because transparency is apparently not “sustainable.”

A spokesperson claimed the retrenchments were “guided by merit,” which is just corporate-speak for “your face doesn’t fit our 2026 profit margin, lah.”

Affected employees were seen frantically checking their DHL app for their career status, only to find it updated to “Package Destroyed in Transit.”

At least the union ensured a fair severance package, though most workers would have preferred a job over a one-way ticket to the unemployment line.

“Honestly, at least they didn't leave my retrenchment letter at the neighbor’s riser,” sighed one ex-staff.