Cotton On Clarifies Only Quality Is Liquidating, Not Business

Cotton On clarified today that while their $10 T-shirts still disintegrate faster than a relationship in Yishun, the company is definitely not closing down.

Panic-stricken Sinkies can breathe a sigh of relief knowing they can continue buying oversized rags that lose their shape after one sweaty bus ride.

Meanwhile, Fitbit Singapore is liquidating because tracking 3,000 steps to the nearest caifan stall apparently doesn't require a dedicated corporate entity.

"We realized Singaporeans only use Fitbits to justify their sedentary existence," one liquidator noted.

With Fitbit dead and Cotton On surviving, the national uniform remains a cheap, overstretched graphic tee and a sense of impending physical decay.