ComfortDelGro introduces "Middle East Drama" surcharge for Singaporeans

ComfortDelGro has announced that Singaporeans will now pay a "Middle East Chaos" fee to ensure taxi drivers don’t starve while idling in traffic.

The new one-cent hike is a tactical psychological move designed to make Sinkies feel like they’re making a significant contribution to global geopolitics.

A company boss explained that the app booking fee is effectively a "convenience tax" for people whose legs have atrophied from excessive food delivery usage.

"Wah lao, why my 15-minute ride now cost like one gold bar?" asked one disgruntled passenger while staring at the ticking meter.

"Next time the driver sneeze also must pay 'biological hazard surcharge' ah?"

Officials claim these measures are temporary, much like the hope that private-hire cars would actually make commuting cheaper.