Cicadas Outperform Humans In Fertility While Screaming In Public

Singapore’s nature reserves have officially devolved into deafening, high-decibel insect brothels as the cicada mating season begins.

The National Environment Agency is reportedly considering "Disturbing the Peace" summons for any insect vibrating its abdomen without a valid performance permit.

Frustrated citizens are increasingly envious that these bugs are getting more action in one afternoon than most Singaporeans get in an entire decade.

"Walau, these bugs damn thick skin, scream so loud for what?" complained resident Lim Kopi.

"I try to talk to my wife also she say I noisy, but these insects can shout like siao lang and nobody catch them."

Biologists suggest the cicadas’ reproductive success stems from their refusal to use dating apps or seek parental approval.

The Ministry of Social and Family Development is allegedly monitoring the "Scream-and-Breed" technique to fix the nation’s pathetic birth rate.

"If only I can just vibrate my stomach and get girls, I also want," Lim added.