CBD Warriors To Risk Fucking Heatstroke For Free Smash Burger

Amoy Street is bracing for a literal bloodbath as Smash Street prepares to give away 1,000 free burgers to people who clearly have nothing better to do.

Thousands of high-earning CBD warriors are expected to sacrifice four hours of billable time to secure a piece of meat that has been flattened with more aggression than a toxic manager’s performance review.

The "no-reservations" system ensures that the 14-seat venue will be surrounded by a three-kilometer queue of sweating, desperate Singaporeans fueled by the ancestral urge to never pay for lunch.

"Lanjiao, I earn five figures but if free I will wait until leg pain," said one local analyst while applying SPF 50.

Medical experts expect at least twelve cases of severe heatstroke and three physical brawls over the last packet of chicken poppers.

The tiny space will be packed tighter than a peak-hour MRT carriage.