BigBang Reunion At Coachella Subject To Passing Mandatory Urine Test

T.O.P has finally crawled out of his designer bunker to drop Another Dimension, a solo album for fans who haven’t updated their personality since 2013.

The 38-year-old "oppa" is pivoting from Squid Game villain to musical messiah with tracks like "Self Crucifixion," which is exactly what it feels like to listen to a middle-aged man rap about "Zero-Coke."

While the album promises a "wide range of emotions," most Singaporean fans are just feeling the sudden onset of arthritis from trying to do the Fantastic Baby dance one last time.

With BigBang’s Coachella reunion looming, the band is searching for a stage big enough to fit both their massive egos and their collective criminal records.