AMK Cockroaches Give Local Man More Action Than His Wife

The Ang Mo Kio Town Council has clarified that the 20 bites on a man’s buttocks were not from bed bugs, but merely "enthusiastic hickeys" from patriotic neighborhood cockroaches.

SCDF regular Iezekiel Yeo reported his ass was absolutely demolished outside AMK Hub, marking the most action any Singaporean man has seen since his last reservist.

"It’s not a pest problem; it’s a free organic acupuncture service," a spokesperson stated while ignoring a German cockroach trying to drag a McFlurry cup into the sewer.

Authorities insist that if you don’t want your backside nibbled on, you should stop sitting around looking like a snack.

Besides, in this fucking economy, getting your ass eaten for free is a goddamn luxury.